Lost time well spent?
I have up's and down's, good's and bad's yet the only way one can notice is monitoring the amount of time I spend in my room. This measurement devise only works sometimes and in some moods.
It is strange. I feel that as I sit and try to maintain the basics of my seemingly simple life, numerous opportunities pass me by. Right now I speak of social opportunities because those are the ones most easily or quickly seen. I am taking a tough semester, although not as tough as last semester (or so I thought). I try to do the homework that is required of me but just fail to get myself to do these tedious tasks. I have so much to do but I still want for something more.
I see all my friends always doing 'something' and it never looks school related while I am at the mercy of my responsibilities. This word, this idea, this curse is the reason being a kid brought so much glee. However, somehow at the same time, this word also gives us what we need to be an adult. It instills maturity within us as if it is all we ever wanted. I miss that childish glee, that 'bliss' that enthralled us all when we were so young. I want to go out and play. I ache to run, to reminisce, to remember. I pine for pleasure, for passion, for peace. I hunger for love, for laughs, for light. I yearn for change.
Something has got to change around here and all I see is me. Yet, I am still sitting on this computer typing only to the unveiled future.
there is hope
uttered by a mistaken mind
@
6:54 PM
12
thoughts
12 Thoughts:
Depersonalize.
Voiced by a man from Saipan
I don't know what will happen here.
Voiced by a man from Saipan
There is always hope. Sadly the only thing one can change is the self. As much as we may try to cause outside changes to bring whatever we need into ourselves it will never work. This is more for myself than anyone but first change yourself and that will cause a ripple to change the world around you. I need to change my attitude. I'm not doing what I should work-wise. I'm too much in the future, like WAY ahead too! and that's messing my present up. I can't get to the future without the now going well.
Voiced by capt.caf
Sorry you got such a rough schedule... Hopefully you'll be able to see more change in your life... Don't feel that you have lost that childish glee... you still very much have it alive in you... its just matured a little... Good luck with your classes and all that...
--
Keepin' it believably unreal,
Mike
Voiced by Michael
There is always hope. Who knows? Maybe we'll just get a study group together where we work on our individual things, but we're TOGETHER which helps in the social realm. Keep on keepin' on my friend.
Voiced by Rachael
For some reason other people's comments didn't show up before I typed my first one and then they did after I published the darn thing and the first thing I said turns out to be the exact thing Kels says at first. Well, nothing like reiteration to really set things into one's mind, eh? Here's to you kid.... : -)
Voiced by Rachael
I know how you feel, not only am I taking more credits than last semester I'm taking much harder classes and I'm working nineteen hours a week. I barely have time for the one club I've joined, Swing Club, and I'm trying to get to soccer at least twice a week plus I know I need to get to the gym maybe once or twice a week to take care of the "physical fitness" preparation of a mission, so I can work off my pudgy gut.
I always hear about all you guys joining a bunch of clubs and going out all the time and I wish I had more time to join you guys, but I can't. So every time I can I jump at the chance, even if sometimes I neglect my other responsibilities.
I miss my youth too dude, when we had no cares or worries. I make myself sound so old. I miss the times when I could sit down for hours playing video games, or build cubby houses out of our couches, or sit under the table late at night with a huge sheet over it and only a torch for light while our sister made us cry from ghost stories, or the time we spent in the shed making our family newspaper on a typewriter that my parents would copy and send to my Aunts and Uncles.
I miss the time people wouldn't look at me wierd for reading "kiddy" books or for talking about Sesame Street and Spider-man. I miss trying to act cool at a comic convention by avoiding all my wierdo friends who'd dress up as Sailor Moon and X-men characters. I miss basketball and soccer every lunch time at high school. I miss studying last minute and topping the grade in Software. I miss having secret meetings of the Secret Moon club with my sisters, where all we met and did was planned when the next meeting was and when the next password was.
I miss the times when I was so mad, but so scared that the furthest I could ever run away from home was the backyard. I miss the times when I was so picky about my food that I ate one rice at a time. I miss playing murder in the dark with my cousins at my grandparents place and hearing my younger cousin say, "Where were you on the murder of the night?".
I miss all-nighters, playing N64 and Magic and Xbox and having our parents tell us off for playing till 5 am in the morning. I miss being teased that I was worse than a girl for spending hours on the phone, when all we were doing was trying to organise a time and place and lifts because we all lived so far apart.
I miss the soccer games when my Dad would think he was coach and he stood behind the keeper telling him what to do. I miss the one time my Mum came to a soccer game and I played my heart out and got man of the match. I miss getting "Most Improved Player" every year because I sucked at the beginning of every season.
I miss playing pokemon cards, and the time before I started reading Harry Potter when I used to tease little kids about it. I miss watching Power Rangers (back when it was still cool) and collecting Tazos. I miss playing Big Two at Maccas every week. I miss Institute when we'd sit through lectures for the socialising and food and basketball afterwards.
I miss church marathons and yes, even seminary sometimes. I miss YM camps, even the one when we got to the river and realised that there were smalled dams every 200 yards and we had to carry the canoes over our heads. I miss sleeping in the vans most camps because there were no more rooms in the tents.
You're not the only thing that needs to change, everybody does. But like a poem I read once said (and I paraphrase) you need the courage to change the things you can and the humility to accept the things you can't. You have the power to change yourself, and so you have motivate yourself. I try to write list and prioritise the things I need to do, it kind of helps, plus it feels really cool to cross stuff off lists. I don't know dude, maybe you just have to cut down on the "unneccesary" things and stick to what you know you need to do. Even if that means giving up doing some of the more enjoyable things. Whatever you do, don't give up to much of your alone or "room" time. It's important to have time to yourself every now and then. I wish I had more of that time sometimes. I had a chance today to just bum around and do nothing for a while, but I made sure I did a bunch of thins I needed to accomplish first. There are still plenty of stuff on my endless amounts of lists, but they're slowly getting smaller and smaller.
And Stuff,
~Vasu~
Voiced by Blink Fandango
wait...didn't i comment on this?
Voiced by capt.caf
I believe that it is fine to long for something as long as goals are in perspective. It helps clarify the goals and lets you find what you want.
Voiced by a man from Saipan
There is a consequence of this doing things. But I live for an oppurtunity to take a break and laugh. It is ok if i am little sleeped deprieved the next day. It is apart of the whole consequences to everything.
Voiced by E
Justin... there is nothing wrong with being self-reflexive. Interesting though that at least two people that I know of tried to comment on your post, but turned those comments into posts of their own. It's great to look back, but as you pointed out at the end of your post, "there is hope." Just because you feel this way now does not mean it is a permanent feeling. Remember where you come from while figuring out how to look to the future as you stand in the present. Though I've been around slightly, like a hiccup, longer on this Earth than you, I still struggle with coming to the point that you find yourself at currently.
I see you constantly on the go too. It happens as we get older for some reason. Things speed up. I can remember spending hours in the greenbelt behind my house as I was growing up and out of elementary school. Also... the grass is always greener elsewhere. Haven't explored in myself why that might be, but it is what it is. Know that you aren't alone, nor will you ever be alone in that aspect of life.
Voiced by Mandie
Wow! I must say, you have turned into quite the romantic. So poetic, so thoughtful, so... sappy. Well, maybe not as sappy as I make it sound. But it is a little bit! ;) That's okay though. I really have had fun reading what you've written. It's very thought-provoking, and good. You really are a good writer! That's what gets me the most! One tip though, you may want to read over them before you publish because sometimes I think you mean to write "World" but you put "Word". You know, just type-os. But you probably don't need me logging on and adding comments about your lack of editing. Sorry. Well, if you want to leave any snide remarks or (hoping!) pleasant comments, you can now check out my site. I look forward to reading the next one... and don't worry, I wont lecture anymore!
-Your pal Mal
Voiced by Your Very Much Astonished Friend
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