Worthy and Wise?

I want to go to the temple. It sounds funny because when most people say it they mean ‘get married’, but I just want to go. I am trying to learn and grow and do all I can. I just don’t do enough sometimes. I almost did get a temple recommend (emdowment, not just baptisms), but I will explain that later. For now I will share what has just been on my mind.

A really good friend of mine was just with me talking about life, about marriage. He came quite close, but then it did not work out. Marriage is not something obtainable by most and it happens so much take it appears natural and easy. There are things in life that are harder to get.

I love my friend, and he loves this girl and she broke up and he does not know why. If there was anything I could do to make things better, I would do it. I want to honestly help people. However, listening to him help me realize some things about me. What I want.

I am in a relationship that is unlike most people’s relationship and I really enjoy it. I could not ask for much better right now. Nevertheless, it could be better. In a relationship, one as to give and take for it to ultimately succeed. Right now, I can’t. I have to balance (it always goes back to balance) how much I give because I can’t give everything. I mustn’t do that, there are limits to how close we should get. I have to find those limits. She leaves it all up for me to decide, meanwhile still pushing what she wants. She wouldn’t if I told her. The thing is, I don’t know. The relationship is in my inexperienced hands. It is all up to make it or break it. I think that she would give it all (or as much as one could at this point), but it mustn’t be. She knows this. I know this. I just want what is best, which is what I am trying to not only find, but also do. Sometimes, I wish she would help me do this more often.

To much thinking, too much sleeping, too much studying, too much seeing, too much of everything - while life is still slipping by; I need to get a grip on it. I need to attain some balance. I know where to go to get this, I just don’t know how sometimes.

Sleep.