A fond relationship with courage

Let me begin with the highlight of tonight. I went to Handel's Messiah and man was that awesome. I never knew that it was a bunch of cool scriptures put to music sung over and over again. The idea sounds mock-worthy, but unless you hear it, you may never understand because it was not just a bunch of scriptures sung over and over again. It was a bunch of scriptures sung over an over again with wonderful singers and incredible music. It was amazing. Wow, all the singers and instrument players looked noble because they were performing it. I loved it.

I was slightly distracted throughout it because I feared that my seat-neighbor was going to project partially digested food all over me. Well, I was more worried about my neighbor enjoying the performance than me getting unpleasant material all over my chinese shirt and my horseback riding pants. I have a lot of feelings for that neighbor. But what type of feelings?

We got out of the magnificent performance and we went to SIFE for a bit. Long enough to eat a couple Subway sandwiches. My friend with a upset stomach did not eat any. In fact, just after we left this friend emptied all that was in her stomach into the bushes. It was quite a bit for not eating all day. My heart really went out to my friend, then we talked about how vomiting makes you feel better physically, and not just because you are getting rid of everything you just ate, but because hormones (the fun and scary stuff) make one of the most appalling activities enjoyable.

I also brought a couple of dozen sodas home to store for SIFE and I left them in the men's mini lounge for a while and they walked away. We will see if they come back.

However, this all goes back to courage because tonight I was asked if I would be willing to be publicly humiliated for someone's talent. I don't know why this person considers it talent nor do I know how she will go about embarrassing me, but I was strangely willing. I like helping people and I like getting to know people. This does both although I could find a better way to do these thing. Also, she is an RA here. Roz is her name and she is pretty cool. She chose me because I would not easily be embarrassed.

The question is 'Do I have courage?' Many times I go about with confidence and dedication. I do most thing without fear. I don't have much of a problem talking in front of a bunch of people. In fact, I enjoy it many times. However, there are some people I don't feel comfortable talking to a lot without invitation. I assume it is normal, but there are those people that can go up to anyone and be as natural as if there were talking to themselves... in the shower... naked. I for one, do not talk to myself [vocally] in the shower. I should not have any problem going up to anyone and open up. I don't have anything to hide.

That might be the problem. I just can't open up to anyone. I am quite reserved sometimes and it really take a lot for be to talk about my self excessively or at all. I usually don't talk about myself unless someone asks.

So, I don't think that I lack courage. I will try new things and enjoy it. I have a high self-esteem. I will not get embarrassed easily - my father is partly to blame for that because he purged shame from us when we were younger (public humiliation is his device). I have faith in Christ and that if I do what I am suppose to he will help me. Thus, I believe that I have confidence, and not an excessive amount. I can walk with my head up and have [practically] no fear, as should most people. Most people have what it takes to be confident. They just lack confidence in there confidence. Courage is a thing that no one should go without.

This is a rather random blog, yet so are many of my entries. Random, so long as it does not mean nothing. So long as it means something. Meaning gives meaning to life.

Be confident.