Palawan Week 3: Too conscious

It is a dream that I have not woken up from. I am on the greatest island in the Philippines doing a marvelous work and even a wonder like no one as ever know. It can't only be me doing this. I am just a passenger on the boat trying to do my part in moving the ship with my little hands. There is a great motor in the back with such a force that my hands sometimes seem pointless. Then I realized that this incredible motor is everyone's little hands paddling this huge freighter. However, we have a vision and a motivation that is beyond anything earthly. We also have strength in our limbs and heart that we do not naturally possess, and as we work harder and look towards that strength even more the boat speeds up and more people become converted to this greatest cause.

My dreams here are strange because my life is so unbelievable. I get to study for a couple of hours in the morning on the good days (some days we have district meeting or P-Day so I don't get the time). Then my companion and I pray for help and direction then set off at noon to spend the rest of the day looking for and teaching those that would listen.

Here the people are so kind and willing to listen, but then some are just not willing to change even after they know the truth or they would put forth the effort to learn the truth although they know that they should. I love it and would not want to be anywhere else. A great family, the Baylons, that we found already had a copy of the Book of Mormon and a picture with it of a sister missionary from the late 80's. We taught them; bore our testimonies; the spirit was there; they said, “totoo naman”, but then also “mahirap na magbabago”. The don't want to change. We have many appointment and people to teach, many people let us in, listen, and say they will read and pray, but only a few act.

There are great people here. We found a house where a bunch of young cousins live together without parent (I don't know why). We taught them; they read with excitement; they seem sincere and this make me happy. Even in English I am not able to say how I feel about the gospel and the joy and peace I have received from it. More than just answering questions to theological problems, it has everyday application and can bless the lives of anyone who lives it.

I cannot say what I want to say yet – naturally – but I imagine that when I am able. I will be more on the bold side. Apparently I am only the third “jo” to be trained on the island. There are mainly branches here so they need more experience missionaries to build it up. This worries me because I feel like I have not done anything yet. In the MTC, I felt that a mission does not really start until after the MTC, but now in the field, I feel that it wont really start until after I can speak my heart – or at least tell someone why I am on a mission.

The sky's on Palawan are amazing. The clouds are the biggest I have ever seen in my life. I think is is the mix between large land mass, tropical and humid, and near the ocean. One thing great about Puerto Princesa, the main city and my area, is they have trashcans on every street. I am told that this is not the case in Manila. There are many barangays, trikes, and minicabs (bamboo houses, motorcycles with a side carriage used for public transportation, and strange covered truck they we squeeze in to get to town). Truly a great place.

I want to lose myself, but it is harder than I thought.